第16部分(第2/6 页)

st　ran　out　of　gas。　We　finally　ate　at　10　；　hamburgers　and　fries　at　a　dinner。　In　her　floral　dress；　with　her　straight　blond　hair　and　classic　features；　she　stood　out　among　the　local　kids。

Back　at　school；　I　was　ready　to　apologize　for　the　evening。　But　I　felt　her　warm　hand　take　mine；　and　then　she　quickly　kissed　my　cheek。　“Thank　you　for　a　wonderful　evening；”　she　said　softly。　Before　I　prehended　what　had　happened；　she　disappeared　into　the　dormitory。

How　many　times　have　there　been　moments　like　that；　moments　of　such　enpassing　grace　and　love　that　I　doubted　their　actuality？　Moments　like　the　day　of　our　marriage；　when　on　a　crisp　Sunday　morning　on　the　Pacific　coast　she　entered　the　church　on　her　father’s　arm　and　I　gazed　down　the　aisle　at　my　soon…to…be　wife。　Or　the　moments　when　our　two　children　were　born　and　her　face　became　radiant　as　she　emerged　from　the　unreachable　realm　of　labor　into　exaltation。

But　October　15；　1993；　was　different。　That　day；　we　arose　at　5　a。　m。；　having　a　hard　slept。　How　can　you　rest　when　a　blade　will　soon　sever　flesh　so　dear？　She　kissed　both　of　our　children　as　they　slept；　but　they　never　stirred　or　said　“Good　luck”　or　“I　love　you；　Mommy。”　In　the　hospital；　after　we　signed　the　papers；　I　watched　her　change　into　a　faded　cotton　gown　and　two　pairs　of　socks；　as　if　the　worst　injury　that　day　would　be　the　chill　of　the　operating　room。

She　cried　in　my　arms　and　said　she　didn’t　want　the　surgery。　I　held　her　hand　as　an　I。　V。　was　inserted　into　her　arm。　In　a　few　seconds　her　tears　stopped　and　she　closed　those　eyes　that　had　always　seemed　so　clever　and　clear；　but　now　looked　so　fearful。

Feeling　frantic　and　disconnected　I　kissed　her；　and　then　she　was　wheeled　away　through　the　unforgiving　doors　of　the　operating　suite。　I　spent　the　day　in　the　waiting　room　polish