第20部分(第4/7 页)

m　to　slip　away；　Julianna。　One　day　you　have　a　baby　in

your　arms；　and　the　next　you　realize　she's　very　nearly　a　woman。”　He　smiled　at　me　sadly。　“I

love　David；　but　he　is　a　burden；　and　I　guess　I　wanted　to

protect　you　from　that。　But　I　realize　now　that　all　of　this　has　affected　you　and　the　family。”

“But　Dad；　it's　not—”

“Julianna；　what　I'm　trying　to　tell　you　is　I'm　sorry。　There　was　so　much　I　wanted　to　give　you。　All

of　you。　I　guess　I　didn't　see　until　recently　how　little　I've

actually　provided。”

“That's　not　true！”

“Well；　I　think　you　know　my　heart's　been　in　the　right　place；　but　if　you　line　it　up　objectively；　a

man　like；　say；　Mr。　Loski　adds　up　to　a　much　better

husband　and　father　than　a　man　like　me　does。　He's　around　more；　he　provides　more；　and　he's

probably　a　lot　more　fun。”

My　dad　wasn't　one　to　go　fishing　for　pliments　or　signs　of　appreciation；　but　still；　I　couldn't

quite　believe　he　actually　thought　that。　“Dad；　I　don't

care　how　it　looks　on　paper；　I　think　you're　the　best　dad　ever！　And　when　I　marry　somebody

someday；　I　sure　don't　want　him　to　be　like　Mr。　Loski！　I　want

him　to　be　like　you。”

He　looked　at　me　like　he　couldn't　quite　believe　his　ears。　“Is　that　so；”　he　said　with　a　grin。　“Well；

I'll　remind　you　of　that　as　your　someday　approaches。”

That　turned　the　rest　of　the　trip　around。　We　laughed　and　joked　and　talked　about　all　kinds　of

things；　but　as　we　neared　home；　there　was　one　thing

the　conversation　kept　turning　back　to。

Pancakes。

My　mother；　though；　had　other　plans。　She'd　spent　the　morning　scrubbing　floors　and　nixed　the

pancakes。　“I　need　something　with　more　staying

power。　Like　grilled　ham…and…cheese。　With　onions；”　s